Will

I, famously known as Bakwas, son of Unknown, a resident of All’e Shahar, devoid of all nonsense — before my death — declare in my Will that if I actually die (it is possible, after all), then that is for the better. Now, if I don’t die, then without asking, I must be buried alive, even if I put up a fight. With me, all my friends must also be buried, and my enemies must be brought to watch the spectacle.

As soon as my soul starts to ascend from my body, all actors must be gathered to enact my immoral actions. Moti Lal Kemmu of the Cultural Academy should be made the director of this play.

All those singers who butcher the poetry of our esteemed poets should be made to sing verses I have written. The official in charge of Radio Srinagar must be appointed as their music master.

All political and nonpolitical leaders must be made to face each other and give their speeches at once. The assembled audience must be made to deliberately cause riots so that the nation’s police torture the people of the city. The contract for supplying pebbles to the public must be…